Happy New Year!!

(Original title, I know.)

Well, this is officially my last post in 2015 (can't cut it any closer than that!) I spent this last day of 2015 at home, alone with my boyfriend and my cat. No party, no celebration because I have a major case of the bronchitis... So yep. A bit sad and boring, but it's also a perfect closure to the year I now have come to see as a sabbatical one. In 2015, I have not published anything, not finished a single story... Career-wise, it's been a quiet year (but jam-packed with emotions: my mom visited the emergency room this year; my sister got pregnant; my boyfriend went back to his homeland as a surprise for his parents' 35th anniversary; I got sick, still am and still don't know what's going on since I'm awaiting tests results... but career-wise, it's been quiet.) It feels a bit like... like I'm planning my next move! I found myself a pen name; started making a website; read into Smashwords and Createspace and created accounts; etc.

So, for the fun of it, here's a bullet-point summary of my year 2015:

- I had my first job in years when I worked for a theater company during a couple of months;
- I had my first go at Camp NaNoWriMo (and almost finished Nellie IV...);
- I opened Smashwords, Createspace, Instagram and Society6 accounts;
- I went to Disney alone again, this time during Xmas time over there;
- I got diagnosed with high blood pressure and now have to take pills for it (no fun);
- I started painting for myself images I had in my mind (no more copies);
- I planned my first novel ever (well, half of it anyway, but it didn't get written...);
- I visited the Montreal book fair for the first time in years as a reader and nothing else;
- I embarked on a crazy countdown to Xmas illustration calendar where I drew a picture per day almost until Xmas;
- and of course, I learned some new songs, played some new games, saw some new movies, read some new books...

(Surely, there are other things but that's all that comes to mind right now...)

A couple of days ago, I was re-reading the post I had written for New Year last year... Some things I said are true, like, no matter the year, we all sigh a sigh of relief when the clock chimes 12 and we get to have a fresh start as if the passing of those last 60 seconds was any different than all the 60 seconds that preceded it that year... When you think about it, it's pretty silly, but then again, humans need this. We need to believe in such things (I know I do) if we're to keep sane in this world...

And so, in the spirit of a fresh start, I'm gonna perpetuate this little thing I did last year where, instead of resolutions (which always sound kinda like work), I'm gonna make wishes. Wishes for myself for the new year to come.
So, in 2016, I wish:

- to be healthy (that's what I'm lacking and missing the most right now and for the past few months...);
- to lose weight (it's a cliché, I know, but now my health asks for it so...);
- to be done with Nellie once and for all;
- to write and publish my first English ebook (and thus unveil my Ravenscroft website);
- to stock my Society6 store with paintings and drawings I'm real proud of (and maybe make a buck, yeah);

...and that's it! :) (For me, anyway :P I've got about a dozen more wishes I make for the people I love hihi)
And, well, if you follow this blog, you'll know soon enough what works and what doesn't.
Oh! And btw, for those of you wondering, this blog will move to its new address on January 6th so write it down, bookmark it, post-it it: the new address will be www.valerielartEN.blogspot.ca

Until then, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU!!!! ^_^

Have a pen?

Hey everyone!

Just a quick message to let you know that this blog (and many other things in my life) is undergoing some changes.
For one, the new address will be : www.valerielartEN.blogspot.ca
Take it down because I hope to hear from you again in my "new" home! ^_^

More news to come later but if you keep an eye on here, you'll see the changes as they appear :P
Sorry for the inconvenience...

Take care!
And a very happy holiday season to you all! :)

Times are a-changing

Well, NaNoWriMo is coming to an end.... and I've got a grand total of less than 2000 words written. A lot happened in my life that kept me from writing but that's okay; I knew going in that I wouldn't make it this year because of everything on my schedule. I won't give up on my novel because of it.

Writing has become difficult.
I feel alone. And I hardly believe in my stories anymore. They all seem so... stupid. So obvious. But I've realized I might have set the bar a bit too high... I was aiming to write novels I was proud of, novels that resembled me. In short, I was trying to write great stuff when in fact, I should have tried to simply.......write.

I'm done searching for excellence. It is quite tiring in a world where so many people have voices now that what some may deem excellent is quickly shot down by others. Excellence has become impossible.
Instead, I will aim for fun... and a deadline.
I will try to write a little every day, no pressure, and have fun while doing it.
If I ever perfect myself over the years, it will be through practice and in an subconscious way. I will no longer try to consciously improve my writing. In fact, I will just go back to basics and do what I wanted to do when I started this career, what it is that made me fall in love with writing: I will tell stories.

Everything else is out the window: the worries, the perfection, the questions, the planning.
I no longer wanna "work" as a writer. I simply wanna entertain, tell stories and have fun.

My head is so full now of advice, of how-to's on absolutely ev-ery-thing!
I mean, daily, I worry/think about:
- Posting on Facebook (1 personal account, 4 different pages that I manage).
- Posting on Instagram (2 accounts).
- Posting on Pinterest.
- Tweeting something on Twitter (2 accounts).
- Checking and replying to emails (on 5 different email addresses)
- Writing (which includes planning the story then thinking it's stupid, worrying about if I'm gonna make it, if ppl will like my stories, etc.)
- Going indie (which includes reading the how-to's of people gone down that road, learning how to format an e-book, learning the steps to indie publishing, the "rules" and how-to's to Smashwords and Createspace, glancing at the IRS forms I'm gonna have to fill for a tax exemption, thinking about or searching for potential book covers I have to choose or make or pay for, etc.)
- Writing interesting blog posts (which I think I still fail at) and giving them proper titles to increase traffic according to this Blog Tyrant guy...
- Checking the stats for both my blogs and both of my websites through Google Analytics and trying to improve them.

And these are just career stuff! I have personal stuff added to that list too!!!
Yes, I can hear you: everyone does as much as me these days if not more! But the difference is I can't handle it anymore...
I'm gonna have to simplify. I need to simplify because I spend more time managing all this than I do creating! It's bad and it's urgent.

So I'm telling you, starting next year, things will be different.
I will simplify and I will have fun.
Life is too short to not have fun.
In the wise words of Smash Mouth: "Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb."
So have fun! :)

NaNo day 2

It's officially the second day of NaNo but for me, it is NaNo day........0.

I haven't written a single word in weeks! Firstly, it was because my boyfriend had brought my laptop with him on his trip back to the Netherlands, but still, I haven't written anything since he came back either!

It's not a dry spell. Not exactly, anyway. I could write, I just don't make the time for it for many reasons. I organized a whole Halloween party (buffet and games) for my family a few days ago and now, I've been planning my Disney trip that's coming up pretty quickly! But those are just excuses...
I think I'm not writing because I don't think my story is any good, or that I have the talent to write good stories...
Yup.
Back to crippling self-doubt. Does it ever go away?

I watched the latest movie adaptation of Pride & Prejudice a few days back. Shame on me, I have never read that story (nor even known what it was about!) But when I found out it was taking place in the 19th century (same era as the one I've set my NaNo story in), I thought it might be worth checking out. As a result, I found myself doubting again. I don't have the skills and I certainly don't have the English level required to write that kind of novel! The way they talked, the manners, etiquette and all that... It would take me YEARS to research all of it and quite frankly, I hate to research because instead of helping me, it only makes me feel like I'm being crushed by my own ignorance.
My boyfriend said nobody would care about all those details (historical stuff and language) because my main readership has nothing to do with those enjoying novels the like of Pride & Prejudice. I try to convince myself that maybe he's right...
Is he?
Well, still it all comes down to this: no matter the amount of polishing I would put into a novel, there will always be people to point out flaws and mock it or worse! So it's basically just a question of getting over oneself......... and one's paralyzing fear to disappoint somebody.
I've got to be able to do it.

But for now, that'll be all: it's bed time. I'm getting sleepy and my thoughts are bouncing all over the place; I cannot seem to get any kind of order out of them so I'll stop rambling and get some sleep.
And as they say "Tomorrow is another day." One I will hopefully be able to put to good use, career-wise...
I'll let you know how it turns out. :)
Nighty night!

P.S.: My mother is fine. :) The problem was not her heart in the end, it's her stress level. She's been granted a leave of absence until the end of November. We'll see then! Thank you all for caring! ^_^ xx

Whisked Around

We're already two weeks into the month of October and I honestly didn't even have time to notice!!
So many things have been happening lately...

1) NaNoWriMo is upon us. And yes, I pledged to write a novel. I can't believe it's almost time already but I'm also eager to finally start my first Ravenscroft book. Hopefully, it (*I*) won't disappoint... I sketched the beginning of an outline (got the first few chapters sorted out) but I've got no idea, not-a-one as to what will the rest of the novel hold... I've tried thinking of endings or even what the Second Act might look like and......... nothing. Flatline. So I guess I'll just write the rest from the seat of my pants! (I've done this before. In fact, my last NaNo was all about pantsing!) Should be fine... And really can't wait till I can finally start. I feel like I'm just stewing now. I wanna move forward!
Only 17 days till NaNo Day 1.
Of course, you'll be able to read all about it here! :)

2) I have been working on my Ravenscroft career a bit. The website is coming along nicely (I've got some little sneak peeks for you guys ^_^) and I've opened accounts with Smashwords and Createspace! I'm all set to go indie! I think....
(Well, I still got some US/IRS forms to fill but I'd rather not think about those right now :P)
Here are the little previews. Of course, they're full of placeholders right now but at least, you can get an idea of the look and feel of the website. :)

3) Aside from my writing career, I'm dabbling a bit in painting. Lately I haven't got much time to paint, but I still opened a Society6 account and I expect to be able to have my "work" online at the end of November. :) I will let you know all about it, don't worry ^_^

4) On a personal level, my next Disney trip is coming fast (and will eat up some of my NaNo time so I don't expect to win this year but hey, at least I'll try!) I've also got a whole family Halloween party to plan and set so quite frankly, I feel like I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and it'll be December! o_O

5) Last but definitely not least: my mom is in the hospital for two days now. As I write these lines, she's having a minor operation to unclog some arteries. Everything should go fine but it meant for her to be away for a few days and unfortunately, the timing is really bad for her not to be at work so I'm filling in for her for the week. So yeah, a bit more money for me but a little less time as well!

So I basically just flew by to give you the latest news (and overthrow that silence that had been ruling over this blog for the past weeks). I must scurry away again but I'll be back soon with more news, I promise!

Until then, take care, my friends! :)

Big (private) unveiling

Alright, I won't keep you guys waiting much longer.
A few days ago, remember I told you I had big changes coming up? And I left you with this picture :

The big news (well, for me anyway but it might not mean much to you since you've probably imagined all kinds of scenarios in your head ^_^) is that, from now, my English career will be made under a new identity: Valerie L. Ravenscroft.

Yup! Changing my name and taking on a pen name! Why? A few reasons but mainly to separate my English and my French careers and to have a more English-familiar name (I've never liked Larouche much and it sounds even worse in English! LOL)

Now, why "Ravenscroft"?

Simple:  I wanted something that could relate me to my favorite author of all time: Edgar Allan Poe. Of course, I couldn't, in all consciousness, call myself "Poe" (I would never be able to live up to that name!) so I figured I'd opt for his most famous poem: The Raven (besides, they were no real good names with my favorite poem of his -- Dream-Land -- I checked :P). 

I hear you: then why not simply call myself Valerie L. Raven?

1) Too obvious;

2) It just so happens that Ravenscroft is (was?) a township in the Cheshire county, England which brings up one of my favorite characters of all time: the Cheshire Cat ^_^

So, there you have it, "two birds with one stone" sort of thing. There really isn't much more to it :P
Plus, it sounds nice in my opinion ^_^

Now, I tell you guys all this as some kinda sneak preview. I will not unveil Valerie Ravenscroft to the "world" for another couple of months (waiting to have some novels under my belt). The outlining for the my first one is coming along well. I've got most of the main characters defined and some scenes noted down.

Click on the picture for a bigger/better sneak peek ^_^

And I'll be going indie all the way through Smashwords! I think it's a good idea... Plus a lot less stressful than having to write query letters, finding an agent, a publisher, etc. AND I get to keep creative control over my book ^_^

I want to say "things are going well" but today, I find it difficult. I still feel guilty about Nellie IV (feels like I'm cheating on her with another novel) and I've got a lot coming up on my plate so I probably will lack the time to finish a proper outline... 

Also, I fear something's missing in my story. Something important...

The element that will give this text the right ambiance, my color... That surreal-realistic-nightmare feel I wanna have as my trademark... 

And so far, I can't find it. :(

I'll probably spend the day looking into it (maybe even the whole month of October!) Hopefully I can get it before NaNo starts because that first novel is meant for it.

Oh well! As they say "We'll cross the bridge once we reach the river."

Until then, you can troll around in my new "home" if you want ^_^

www.valerieravenscroft.com

Happy visiting!

Radio Silence

I have been quiet for quite some time now. I am so sorry about that... And I cannot say much about what I've been up to. Not yet, anyway, but I promise that, before the year is out, you will know what exactly this is all about! I've been working hard on my career lately and there are some changes on the horizon. Big, scary changes but hey, scary can be good sometimes, right? :)

So, uhm, seeing as I cannot fully disclose what I've been up to this past month, I won't have much to say in this post aside that I'm still writing Nellie but I've dialed down the pressure: it'll be done when it'll be done. Period. Right now, I'm at... 68%!

So far, so good. I can still write good scenes in it (I think) but my heart is elsewhere... I must also be careful because I do not wish to break the flow of the previous novels which were written at the beginning of my career (years ago) and now, I believe my writing has evolved a bit (I hope so anyway). More notably these past few weeks as I engaged in the reading of many helpful books about that!

To you writers out there, if you want to read books about "how to write", here are the ones I bought: 

Got the workbook as well:
I love to answer questions!
^_^

So yeah, I went through some big changes lately. I've even begun to plan (and enjoyed it!!!) Yup, you've read right: me, the Pantser, the one who said "planning is the death of the story", now cannot hop into a new story anymore without planning it first! It's like suddenly, my eyes got open. I threw all my stubborn, pigheaded prejudices out the window and I looked at my career with fresh eyes.
I cleaned my slate.
I went back to ground zero and I tackled questions like "Why do I write?", "Who do I write for?", "What does my typical reader look like?", "What do I want people to say about my novels?", "What genres do I wanna write in? What ambiance? Which subjects and themes?" Etc.
And I got answers for ALL of them!
Why and how did I do all that?
I simply accepted that writing was my JOB, not just a hobby: I wanna make a living out of it. And just like any job, it requires hard work.
So I rolled up my sleeves and I got down to it!

The whole series is a life-saver!

So if you wanna be a writer too, I urge you to tackle these questions first as well. I promise, everything gets MUCH clearer after and the stories just follow. :)
Let me know how it turns out for you!

A sneak preview of things to come. ^_^
Will tell you more about it in my next post, I promise!

Be unique.

We're thirteen days into the month of August now and Nellie is going at an okay pace. I'm glad I can still manage to write a few words into the novel most every day! I foresee those Holy-Grailed "The End" words to be written down before September as long as I can keep a pace of 1,500 words per weekday. So far, so good, seeing as I wrote 1,700 words today! :) And I've just written the first scene where Nellie stops suffering what happens to her, but instead takes the lead in her own story. I've been waiting for that moment for ever! So yay! Now, I deserve a break... :P

In other news, I've just finished reading The Supernatural Enhancements by Edgar Cantero.

Aside from the fact that (if you're used to reading that type of story) it can get long and predictable at times, I absolutely loved the story and the base idea and the way the story jumps from one "media" to another (diary entries, video's transcript, etc.) I totally recommend it! It's got a few twists that had me go like: o_O "No way!" And it's as eerie and creepy as it is inspiring. And the ending: awesome! :) A great adventure!

Alright.
Now, let's get serious.

I totally loved the book but it got me reacquainted with an old "friend": envy. (Or is it jealousy? Or insecurity?) You know, that mean little voice that says stuff like "I wish I had thought of it first" or "Why bother with writing; I'm nothing special and this guy does it waaaay better"?
It's easy nowadays to feel like an impostor and/or to succumb to defeatist thoughts such as "Everything's already been written." I totally know what you mean! I used to think like that too. I mean, just look at how many writers emerge every day through the Internet, what with all its writing communities, blogs and such. 

There are so many of us that it can get very difficult to feel special. (And not only as an artist! When you have access to an entire world filled with unique people sharing their opinions, ideals, likes and dislikes, you start to realize you're just a drop in an ocean of unique people, nothing special... Margaret Mead said: "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else." That quote never actually made me feel better... Isn't it a fact that a world filled with unique people actually works in removing one's uniqueness?)

Being special has always been very important to me.
I grew up being mostly invisible or the subject of name-calling sessions and mean tricks from those bullies I'm sure we all meet while growing up. I was even told by kids and teachers alike that I would never amount to anything. For a girl like me, becoming someone special is everything... It becomes the ultimate dream, the ultimate weapon against negative thoughts, the ultimate buoy... And I held on to it. But eventually, reality catches up and you gotta face the music: you are about as special as everyone else...
That way of thinking can go on for a long time, I'm not gonna lie to you. But have hope because one day, someday, something will happen and all of a sudden, things will go differently...

I was terrified at the idea of reading The Supernatural Enhancements because, no matter how much it intrigued me, it also felt like I was some sort of failure; I was too late; that guy had also "stolen my story" (well, he never actually stole anything, we just happened to think of the same thing). Fortunately for me, my reading of this novel coincided with my starting to read another book (one filled with advice on "how to write") and somehow, as though it was pinpointing my exact feelings, the advice book said something like "Every artist's work anywhere in the world is inspired by another artist." Put simply: we're all inspired by each other but no two artworks are exactly the same. You can try over and over again to copy the work of your favorite artist, but you won't succeed! (Unless, of course, you blatantly copy/paste. :P) And in the end, that advice book was right: The Supernatural Enhancements turned out to share very little with my own idea for a story! ^_^
And even if they did come close, isn't that a good thing somehow? The readers who have loved the other writer's work will be happy to find a new home in your novel as well! :D

The point is: even though you and another writer (or a hundred other writers for that matter!) have had the same base idea for a story, its rendering will always be (slightly or grandly) different because people are (slightly or grandly) different. So Margaret Mead was right: we're all unique. (And no, the fact that everyone else is just the same does not remove to our uniqueness! :P) I think what she meant was: even though we all experience love, hate, desire, sadness, dream, tragedy, we all experience them in our own unique way...

So go on.
Go write your own Romeo & Juliet and know that, yes, you're right: everything about love has already been written...

...but not by you. :)

A problem, a solution... and an update!

Camp NaNo is done and gone.

Haha Camp NaNo is not that bad, don't worry! :P

I did not reach my 40k goal, but I do not feel bad about it since I've managed to get as close as 39, 307 words! And since my last post (July 30th), I've passed the 40k mark with relative ease. Nellie IV has reached 42,853 words and is therefore well underway although I must admit once again that I do look forward to finally be working on something else...

I've made the decision not to write anything else until that final volume which I've dragged for far too long is finally cleared. I owe it to many of my readers (who are patiently waiting for that fourth volume to come out) to finally get down to the task, stop postponing and finding excuses and write the damn thing.

So I'll do it if it's the last book I ever write!
I will emerge victorious.
I. Shall. Conquer!

Hopefully, it won't be the last book I'll ever write...

Cause yeah, I rant and I rant about being a writer (no money, no real recognition, etc.) but the truth is that it's a pretty neat life:

1) I make my own schedule (I can work late and sleep late if I want!);

2) No real boss (except my readers ^_^);

3) I get to work at home (geek t-shirts and boxers are my typical office outfit);

4) I get to go on book signings and meet with my readers;

5) Basically, my job is to make up intricate lies to put down in books people will want to buy!

Really, how awesome is that?
It's a great life! I urge you to live it! :P (Just... have a backup plan for rent, 'kay?)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! I don't think it's the last book I'll ever write... giving that I can't stop coming up with cool settings and characters. :P

But I have one big giant flaw in all that: I can't come up with good plots. (Now, don't try to flatter me, I know this to be true.) I've always had this feeling, this hint that all of my stories lacked directions, foundations... Like I'm just plucking ideas out of thin air and never really link them, you know? They don't make sense, they don't seem real and most of the time, I think the readers can't feel for my characters... I lack the sense of realness. It's a thing! I've been reading a book on how to write and the author says that: a book is a form a contract between the reader and the writer, like "I know you're lying to me, but do it well". And the key to doing it well, to make the story believable is to make it seem real. THAT's where I'm found lacking...
And so far, I haven't found how to fix this...
If you've got any ideas, please, lemme know!

But there's one thing I've managed to fix.

You see, I'm a Lazy Lass. :P I don't like to work and I most certainly don't like to work hard! At least, that was true last week so what changed?

I've started training again.

Yep. You read correctly! I've started training again and the simple fact of moving my fat butt around at some point during the week has jolted my brain and got the cogs a-turning! Actually, it's so badly beneficial that I've come to a point where I don't mind doing research! o_O




(A new story idea assailed me a couple of days ago and I went to the library today to stock up on some research material. Care to venture a theme? ^_^)

A photo posted by Valérie L. (@valouche13) on Aug 6, 2015 at 2:10pm PDT

Worse: I don't even worry about my future anymore! (I know what you're thinking: OMG, what happened to you? Good ol' neurotic you! We demand that you bring that anxiety-prone, self-doubting wreck back again!!! ^_^ Don't worry, at some point, she'll come back I'm sure :P But for now, I'm fine.) I don't care about whoever won't like my stories. I don't care if I don't get huge and famous and rich and popular and pretty and all that! :P For now, I am perfectly fine. :)

But my moods have been known to swing around faster than chimps in trees so... we'll see what tomorrow brings! ^_^
For now, that is all. I'm sure you guys have better things to do than to read my ramblings :P
And I've got me a novel to finish reading ^_^
Toodles!

T (arget) minus 693 words

Yep! If you can count right, you know I've reached the 39,300 words mark! And I'm pooped...

But seeing the end so near, so real (and since my friend Esme has asked me about it on my last post ^_^) I've started to think about what to write next... The mind of a writer is never at rest :P
For sure, I'm gonna start writing in English again (I feel all out of practice with it) and I really have this desire to take part into some sort of readers/writers community (well, when I say that, I mean "submit my English writing to English readers and see if I can hold my own"). So far, I've had a look at Wattpad and Inkitt.

 

Both seem fine. I don't know if I'll have to choose or if I can publish the same story on both platform... Or perhaps, I could write two stories...

As you can see, I'm still evaluating the possibilities. But one of them I know for certain is that I would like to finally get to writing The Drifters...
I'll work on a plan soon enough (August) and will definitely let you know what's up as soon as I know! :P

Until then, write on! ^_^

Of mice and men

So! Only a couple of days till the end of July. The "new" goal I had set myself for this Camp NaNo was 40k words for July. (Unfortunately, I had decided on this new goal the day after winnings had begun at Camp so I could not officially set my new goal which is still set on 50k... Oh well.)
Anyway, things are looking good! :D I've reached 36,758 words and I think I can manage the rest of this 40k in the last few days! ^_^
Then I've got 25k words left for August (with some painting and gaming alongside it). Should be a breeze...

September is off. Totally and completely off!
I will game, read, paint, watch TV, write something new: anything but I will not touch Nellie! That's what October will be there for: rereading and editing it all.

And then, come November, Nellie IV will be finally and officially DONE and GONE!! YAY!!! After three years of struggling, I will have conquered this last land, tamed this last beast, climbed that last mountain! Finally!!

So, that is the plan as of today.
But you know what they say: the best laid plans of mice and men...

Well, we'll see what life brings!
I'll keep you posted.
Till then, read and write on! ^_^


EDIT: My word meter has gone wonky today so I went meter hunting and I've found this absolutely delightful widget!! :D 

 

So cute! And lots of fun too because not only can you change the current word count (duh!) and the target (of course), but you can actually set moods for this little guy!! :D Found him in Writertopia's Toolbox. Feel free to go have a look for yourself! ^_^

The halfway mark

I'M HALFWAY THERE!!! YAY!!!

Not halfway to winning Camp NaNo (which is closer than that) but halfway through the expected total word count of Nellie IV!!!
(Expect. total = 65k. So, 65k / 2 = 32,500 words. Current total =

WOOHOO!!! For me, that is a HUGE cause for celebration for I never thought I would actually make it through the entire novel, that I would never be able to muster enough strength and willpower to actually see through the writing of that fourth and final novel of the Nellie series... But now, I know I can totally do it and I can even see the light at the end of the tunnel, there in the distance! I'm halfway there! :D So I should be able to finish it somewhere in August as I had hoped to. YAY! ^_^

As for NaNo, my original goal was to write 50k in a month. According to the website's stats, it is still doable if I can manage a small 1,800 words a day but... well, I've decided I would dial down on the pressure. I thought "If I can make it to the halfway mark of the novel's total word count before July 31st, I'll be happy".
And here we are, July 22nd and I've hit that mark already! :D

I will keep on writing until the end of the month, of course, but with a loooot less pressure on. I've come to realize lately that the more pressure I put on myself, the less I actually accomplish. So no sweats (figuratively speaking, of course; it's still hot here) and let's just keep adding to the word count at my own pace, writing down the words as they come.

My friend Rachel also told me that the texts she prefers from me are actually my first drafts, the ones where I just write and not (over)think. So I'll try and focus on that from now on. :) I believe I have a tendency to erase my own voice as I edit... Gotta be careful with that.

Anyway, this day is a great boost for me.
Yesterday, I was feeling kinda so-so and I even made a list of pros and cons about being a writer. (A lot more cons than pros, I gotta admit.) I even came to wonder if I really was a writer... But then, I took a shower and ideas for other stories just popped into my head! Ideas that I then brainstormed with my boyfriend and I got super giddy and excited about these "new" stories!

So yeah, bottom line or long story short (take your pick of the idiom), in the words of Rainer Maria Rilke: "If, when you wake up in the morning, you can think of nothing but writing... then you're a writer." Which I take as meaning to say that if you feel this... unavoidable necessity to write, then you're a writer. And all these questions and doubts are just part of the process. They will always come, but they will also always go. And all that remains is what's really important. And for me, it's to share with you all these stories in my head. To entertain you, make you dream and travel no matter where you are...

...or who you are. ^_^

So yeah, I guess I am a writer after all. :)

The Room

Small update on Camp NaNo: Nellie is going well but due to a very busy Saturday and a difficult-to-create-in heatwave since then, I've found myself below par. But I'm still writing most everyday and my Camp stats state that I can totally finish this novel by July 31st if I write an average 1635 words a day. I'll work hard towards that goal, I promise.

Now...

You know, after a while of gaming, writing, virtually anything, anyone and everyone gets bored. That is a universal truth. The key is knowing when it's time for you to vary your hobbies, occupations, etc. but even then...

I was getting bored with pretty much anything. I've watched so many TV series and movies in my life that very few of them still surprise me (they mostly all follow the same basic pattern depending on the genre). 

Same with the books. 

Same with the games...

...until I found The Room.

No, it's not a scary, gory horror game :P

I admit, I was slowly losing my "creative fire". Gee, I was even getting bored with my own creations! But since yesterday, that fire is now roaring because the smallest of things can spark the imagination. My "job" is to write stories. My goal is to write stories that sell a bit. But my dream is to write an out-of-this-world story...

Now, I don't know if I'll ever be able to accomplish such a feat but since yesterday, I feel a little closer to defining what is, for me, an extraordinary story.

I'm all about the ambiance, really. And the ambiance I have been seeking for such a long time, I have found it in a few-hours-iPad-game!

So, what is The Room?

If you wanna strip it down to its basics, The Room is no more than a 3D puzzle game (with dazzling decors, I might add). But if you really wanna get a sense of what really IS The Room, check out this tiny trailer (and turn on the volume, take in that hauntingly beautiful melody)!

There are these rare moments in life when you get to feel like you've found an echo of yourself in something someone else has created. And I love this game so much for it makes me feel that way. I've always wanted to write a story with that kinda ambiance. Mysterious, puzzling, bewitching, haunting. With that sense that something much bigger than yourself is at work in the world... Something invisible. Something that has no concept of right or wrong. Something that you can't see, touch, quantify.

Something that just... is.

Perhaps I may just have found inspiration for it...

Now tell me: would you read it? ^_^


(In the meantime, if you're looking for me, you'll find me submerged in the sequels! ^_^)

Day 8 (Original title, I know)

Another day gone by...

I've reached par today, no problem, and I've even gone beyond! But yeah, I've cheated a tad (although there's no real "cheating" during Camp cause the main goal is to have fun with writing so...). So I've reached par (for tomorrow haha) but I've copy-pasted a lot from the previous version of the text. Although, like I've told my buddy: "Once it's good, it's good! Why should I rewrite stuff I've already written and like?"

So yeah, I copied! ^_^

But it's all good; I like my new version better. I'm writing it for me, mostly. No stress, no sweat, no pressure (well, ALMOST no sweat because it's still kinda warm here hihi).

Yesterday, I've had a pretty bad day. Mood-wise. I managed to cram in the words but the thrill was gone. I suddenly realized a lot of things that made me panic about being a writer (the readership's expectations; the pressure to come up with something fresh, smart and original; the must-do-PR which I'm not that great at; etc.) Tears were on the verge and thoughts of "I'll never make it" and the likes came a-running. 

But I've had a stroke of genius (well, it's more thanks to the heat really): I turned everything off and went floating in a nice cool bath.
And I've come to realize something: I'm not a hardcore writer. I'm not a singer or a visual artist either. There's none of these things I wanna do out of a duty. I wanna feel like they are a hobby because if they're work, then I'll stop practicing each and every one of them come retirement!

I've come to realize that the only thing I would always do in my life is dreaming...

I'm not a writer nor a singer nor a painter. Heck, I'm not even an artist!

I simply am A DREAMER.

And now that I've decided and accepted that, I feel much better! And much less pressured :)
So I'll keep on dreaming... and create as I go! :)

(Here's my afternoon activity ^_^)

A photo posted by Valérie L. (@valouche13) on Jul 8, 2015 at 1:07pm PDT

Camp NaNo -- Day 6

Just a short post to keep you up-to-date :)
I did not relate every single day of this Camp NaNo because, let's face it, it would probably be pretty boring (especially since I cannot really put any excerpt of my ongoing novel since it's in French!)

So here we are, day 6!

Things are running pretty smoothly so far: I usually set out to write my daily 1600 words around 10AM and I finish before 12PM, leaving me with all that free time in the afternoon (when the temperature usually reach above 85 and we don't have any air conditioning here). I've almost reached the 10k mark as you can see and I'm pretty contented with what I've written so far. :)
Since the first three volumes of my Nellie series were published more than three years ago, I decided to plant a recap of these volumes in the fourth one in the form of the main character (Nellie) telling her story to a new character. I simply hope my readers will find it useful and not too long or boring...
Anyway, "those who shall live, shall see" :P

In the meantime, since I am done for the day, I will be taking a break and I'll read or paint or play a game or something.
Talk to you all again soon! ^_^

First Day

Hey everyone! It's that time of the year again: Camp NaNoWriMo!

And I'll be going at Nellie 4 again, one last time... Hopefully.

I feel like I've awaken from slumber.

These past few months seem like a blurry dream, floating somewhere at the limit of my consciousness, barely real. As some of you may know, I worked since mid-April till the end of June. Actually, I finished my job contract a little more than a week ago and I spent that time off indulging in my Sims addiction. But now, it's July and it's time to wake up again. And remember that I am a writer... not a receptionist in a theater company.
Don't get me wrong, the job was fine! I remember the work experience I've gotten but more importantly, the friendships gained. :)
But let's be frank: I worked for the money.

Now, it's time to work again... for the fun ^_^

It's a rainy day here and as I sit by the open patio door, a chilly wind tickles my feet, curling my toes inward. I sit in my departed grandma's old rocking chair (cause there's no better seat in the world, everyone knows that) and I'm ready to go back. Back into my book, back into my career. Back into who I've chosen to be.

While outside thousands of moving trucks are plaguing the streets under the rain on this national moving day, I sit comfortably inside, in this "new" condominium of ours which took me a year and a half to bring it to the way we like it (and still not completely done yet) and I'm thankful for everything that's happened in my past which lead me here. In this house, in this time, with this boyfriend, this cat and my friends (through the magic of Internet), with these talents in my hand, this career on my resume, these dreams in my head and that future ahead of me.

It was someone somewhat famous that once said "Every journey starts with a single step."
So now that I'm back, let's journey together my friends! One step at a time... :)

Still alive

Wow... It's been so long...

I fear whatever readership I previously had might be gone now but if any of you are still out there, I'm still alive... and I'm back! :)

It has been so long since my last post. So long that my computer was not automatically signed in to my blog anymore.

So long, in fact, that my own keyboard feels oddly unknown under my fingers which strain and struggle to regain the speed and efficiency they used to have.

I hate these long writing pauses. But to a certain point, I can recognize their "unavoidability". (Yep, I can still create nonsense words that say it all! ^_^)

I haven't written here (or most anywhere else) in such a long time because I had a temporary job (6 days a week). Now the contract is coming to an end (next Saturday, actually) and I expect to be back in the writing business by that next Monday! :)

I honestly can't wait.

Stories have been bouncing back and forth in my head. I've just lacked the time and energy to write them down... which I feel the need to now.

Good came from these last few months of silence, though - aside from a slight increase in the amount stated on my bank account :P. It actually gave me time to think (a two and a half hour bus ride every day will do that to you). I've realized how much I overthink things. I know, I know... I've said it like a million times before so what's different now, right? 

Here's what: I've started to re-read an old Stephen King classic that I love. (If you know me but at all, you also know how much I admire the man as well as his work!) 

Yep. I'm rediscovering The Shining! :)

Last time I read it, it must have been a good 15 years ago. I read it in French. Now I'm discovering it in its original language but most importantly, I'm reading it with different eyes: I now read it as a writer.

I must say, it is the first time since I've studied and embarked on my professional writer's journey where I felt like my "professional writer's baggage" actually didn't stand of the way of my appreciating a book. 

How so?

Because I have just realized that one of the writers I admire the most use very little of all these well-intended advice or rules that you gather along your professional career in the literary world! He writes it as it comes to him.

And it is good.

Sure, there's editing and stuff to make it all edible, but the original flavor remains unaltered!
And from now on, I will aspire to do just that: write my own unprocessed thoughts. 

Now all I've gotta do is decide which story to write... (Got plenty of those.)
I'll keep you posted. And before long, I promise! ;)

It's good to be back. ^_^

Camp NaNo - Week 2

We're already entering the second week of Camp NaNo!! Unbelievable... With the long Easter weekend, I must admit I had fallen behind but now that's it's time for me to catch up, I see the lurking shadow of the next book fair I will attend. I like book fairs because I love to meet and exchange with my readers, but I must say that these book fairs don't do much for a deadline! Nevertheless, I intend on keeping up the writing.  I will bring my laptop with me and use every minute I'm in my hotel room (when I'm not showering or sleeping) to write! I won't let this book fair drag me behind... hopefully.

Nellie 4 is going well. I had already written a part of it so I have a good idea where I'm headed and now I can write it without wasting too much time thinking about where to go next but soon, I will reach a part that was never written before. I hope I'll be able to keep pace although 1 700 words a day is a totally feasible thing so it should not be a problem... I'll let you know how it turns out!

As for my ghost story, I must admit I have a lot more fun writing this one! But since most of creative juice is drained from Nellie, when I reach The Bedford Hotel, I usually don't put in a lot of words... I'm still below 5k but I don't mind: I'm having fun! ^_^

To give you a general idea of what the ambiance of the book will be, here's an excerpt of it (my favorite one to this day).

Happy reading! ^_^

-----------------------------------------------------------------

(Novel excerpt)

Amy woke up in the middle of the night. Since she came back to the old family home, she hadn’t slept easy. This time, some bloodthirsty demon had chased her right out of her dreams. She woke up in sweaty sheets that she tossed aside, swinging her feet out of the bed. Her eyesight completely adjusted to darkness, Amy looked around at what was her bedroom while growing up. A reading chair, a desk, a small bookcase, a dresser. Everything was where she had left it: posters, trophies, teddies, books, candles. Even the bed was still in that same place, under a slant of the roof. Amy felt a sudden burst of heat on her face. It was so warm in here.

            Getting up, she walked towards the pillow-covered bench under the only window in the room. Why was that window even closed? Amy had always loved to leave her window open during the night, hearing the nocturnal crowd sing their songs while a cool breeze fluttered the curtains. Amy looked out the window into their backyard. After all those years she had been gone, everything was still the same on that patio. The chairs, the garden boxes, and their old barbecue grill. Amy frowned.

            Didn’t mom get rid of that thing years ago?

            The young woman shrugged and pushed the window open. However, the expected cool breeze did not enter the room. Amy started to feel like she might pass out from the heat. Wanting nothing more than something fresh on her face.

Water!

Suddenly stumbling through our own room in the darkness, Amy managed to find the door handle. Giving it a twist of the wrist, Amy left behind her dark room to gain access to an even darker landing. She took a few steps, a growing sense of blindness in her while she had to grope the hallway’s walls to find the bathroom. Finally, the contact of cold tiles under her feet informed her that she had reached her destination and Amy allowed herself to flick the light switch on and close the door behind her. Once her eyesight adjusted to the bright light, Amy grabbed the faucet’s knob and gave it a turn to get the coldest water this house could provide. The water flowed and Amy could wet her face with delight, lowering her entire body temperature to the point of shivering. Once back to normal, Amy turned off the water and dried her face. As a reflex, she glanced at her reflection in the bathroom’s mirror only to find it covered by a sheet.

‘That’s what mom would have wanted,’ she could hear Sara’s voice say. Amy rolled her eyes. Stupid superstition. She gave a pull on the sheet, freeing the glass.

Only where her own reflection should have been, her mother’s face was staring at her with wild eyes.

Amy screamed and sat straight in her bed. She gave her surroundings a bewildered look; everything was in its place in her old bedroom and the curtains were flying in the wind that slittered in the house through the open window. It had all been a dream.

Feeling her heart beating slower and slower in her chest, Amy gave a relieved sigh and lied back in bed but sleep escaped her. She tossed and turn a few times and was dozing off when a familiar buzzing sound drew her back to the surface: her cellphone was ringing.

She glanced at her alarm clock: 3:15. Who’s calling me at this hour? She grabbed her phone and checked the ID caller: unknown. No help there, but whoever it was, it had to be the bearer of bad news. Why else would anyone call someone in the middle of the night?

Amy picked up.

At first, nothing could be heard but static which slowly phased out to leave room to an odd, raspy kind of breathing.

“Hello?” called Amy again. “Who are you? Are you okay?”

Suddenly, all the noise on the line stopped. And as from a great distance, the distorted voice of a woman could be heard.

“Amy Bedford?”

“Yes?”

“Which side of the mirror are you on?”

A Ghost Story

Today is the first day of April which means it is also the first day of Camp NaNoWriMo! My goal for this camp is to write (and finish) the first draft of the fourth (and last) volume to my Nellie series. The way I have ended the story in the third volume, people have been screaming at me for the fourth and I have postponed it for over two years now simply because I am afraid of letting my readers down. But isn't leaving the series unfinished the biggest let-down of all? So yeah, I have promised to write that book and I really want to give my readers that. Strictly word-count speaking, that last novel should be around 50k words. That is my goal this April.

BUT Nellie isn't the only story I will be working on this month. 

She will be my main priority, of course, and I intend to see that novel all the way through, but I have to admit I have sort of lost the flame for this old series. It was written more than three years ago (five for the first volume) and I find myself having very little in common with it anymore. Still, I will write it because I promised but I needed to work out a sort of reward system. And now it's time that I tell you guys about it: I have a new story in progress. And for a long while, I haven't been this enthusiastic about writing! Maybe because I have finally found something to write about that I truly love (those of you who know me won't be surprised when they read this): a haunted house! :D

(I just bought the soundtrack to my favorite Disney World attraction as inspiration: The Haunted Mansion. ^_^)

Yep, I'm writing a ghost story on the side! ^_^
And here's how the reward system will work: 1700 to 2000 words in Nellie everyday and after that, whatever I can put in the ghost story. :) (It doesn't have a title yet. I think I might call it The Bedford Hotel...) 

Well, I'm off to add some words to my word count! (As usual, you can follow my progress through the posts here and through the little widget on the left side of my blog.) The clock is ticking and time... is words! ^_^

Clean slate

They say confession is good for the soul... Although I don't know if anyone reads these messages apart from my best friends Rachel and Eve and they already know pretty much everything about me. But hey, a confession is a confession, even if there is no one on the other side to listen to it. 

So here goes...

I don't like to be obligated to do something. 

In fact, the more you push me, the more I slow down. Also, I don't like the pressure of the faith people put in me, I'm always afraid of letting them down. Yes, I do not think much of myself, my "products" or my capacities. Which is why I am terrified of writing that last book to my Nellie series: I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint the readers who are waiting for it with passion and eager in their eyes.
I've always been that way: either I cannot believe that someone would like something I have written that much, or if I believe it, then I'm scared I'm going to let them down with the next book. 

Stupid, uh? 

All of that has made writing practically unbearable for me.
But there's more! Now that I'm a "professional" writer, I have all this knowledge about writing, right? (Narrator type, story type, POVs, storytelling, do's and don't's, etc.) My head is filled with a thousand advice on how to write "good books". (Talk about subjective, uh?) I am so full of these advice, that they completely paralyze me when it comes to writing. And if, by means of strong-willed struggle against myself, I do manage to write something down, then I analyze it in its most infinite, intimate details to make sure that it's the best I can produce. I do that for every single word I write...

Can you imagine it?

It's maddening, really!
But I've come to realize that it was a necessary passage because I've learned a valuable lesson because of it... It's best I describe it with an analogy: make-up.

Make-up is a nice way to conceal flaws and highlight beauty, right?
But what happens when you focus on every pore in your face and end up putting on waaaaay too much make-up?

...

...
...
It ends up being the only thing you see.

That's what I did with Terra Fae. Heck, that's what I did with ALL of my novels in The Dreams section of this blog. And now, when I look at them, I don't feel joy; I don't feel passion; I don't wanna immerse myself in them again; I cannot even relate to the characters anymore!
I simply feel numb. And obligated.

So, after all this reflection, after all this explaining and this thinking, I've taken a decision: I'm going to do the unthinkable.

I'm clean-slating.

All of my novels, gone! (Well, except Nellie 4 since I made a promise to write it during this April's Camp NaNoWriMo). I'm starting anew. Like I'm an unpublished writer. No one's expecting anything from me and I'm going to write what I feel like regardless of what I know about writing.

I trust my brain (and my subconscious) will do the rest of the work for me. I mean, I will apply the writing rules I think are important all by myself, automatically, without thinking about them.
And while I'm working on a brand-new project, I trust that my older novels will age in the back of my head and only the worthy ones will emerge once again.

So, as of now, think of me as a writer with a clean slate! ^_^

I hope this will work...

Chapter 1

Hey there!

I've been writing some more of The Lighthouse Keeper (always with The Islander as background "noise") and I wanted to post here the "new" version of Chapter 1.

I also would like to have your true, honest opinion: can you feel for Jonah? I really, very rarely write novels in the first person and I was wondering if it had enough "active scenes" or too much "introspection" stuff. I know, it's only the first chapter and so far, not much is happening, but anyway. You know what I mean. :P
Does it make you wanna read more or does it all just sound... boring?

Happy reading! :P

---------------------------------------------------------------------

(Novel excerpt)

CHAPTER ONE

            I was told to keep a journal.

            Old Gregory said it would help fight loneliness and seclusion. I guess giving it a try now is not worse than anything else.

            My name is Jonah and I live in a lighthouse on a remote island. Oddly enough, I have never felt the need to keep a journal before. I guess loneliness and seclusion never really struck me.

But today, everything’s changed…

***

            I washed ashore on this island some nine years ago with very little memory of my past. I was about ten years old. And whereas the sea had rejected me, old Gregory took me in and raised me as his own son. He taught me to speak, read and write English. He taught me some world history and geography. Of course, most importantly, he taught me how to survive on the island and how to keep the lighthouse active.

He used to call us “the last lighthouse keepers”. I often wondered what he meant by that since he had showed me pictures and handed me stories of lighthouses and their keepers from all around the world. Clearly, there were others! But he kept on calling us that… I guess now it is too late to ask him.

            The island itself is quite small. Walking on its shore, one could circle it in a single day. However, the center of it has remained a mystery to me for it is always shrouded in the thickest fog and old Gregory has forbidden me to ever enter it.

            “I don’t want you to get lost, boy, and leave me alone again with the burden of this job,” he used to say. “I’m not getting any younger, you know, and I need your strength.”

            Funny thing, though, is that I cannot recall old Gregory asking for my help in any situation; he was incredibly strong in spite of his age. “An old salt” I think is the expression that best described him.

Because of his warning against the center of the island, I often suspected he knew something was hiding in the fog but whenever I brought up the subject, old Gregory would sweep it under the rug.

            “Nonsense, boy! If something lived there, I would know it by now, wouldn’t I?”

            Precisely. Nevertheless, if we truly were the only inhabitants of this island, then why is the lighthouse surrounded by an iron gate which old Gregory locked tight every night?

            He was an odd man, old Gregory, but I liked him all the same. He truly was a father to me. And we got along fine which is a good thing, you know, if we indeed were the only ones here, him and me.

            Now don’t go asking where exactly is “here” because I don’t have a single idea. Old Gregory did teach me geography but the only answer he has ever given to the “where are we?” question is “somewhere, at the end of the world”.

            Some days, I believe him…

            Today is one of those days. For you see, old Gregory has disappeared.

I am all alone now.

***

Emerging from the fog, the old man’s small boat accosted on the white sand shore. A tall woman approached him, concealing her features and her long brown hair in the darkness of her hood. Recognizing the woman, the old man bowed.

“My Lady,” he greeted.

“My dearest friend. I hate to be the bringer of bad news. He knows.”

“I know. He paid me a visit.”

“Oh! My poor friend. I hope he has not been too hard on you.”

“The punishment is yet to come, my Lady.”

“I am so sorry to have put you in the middle of this, dear friend.”

“Think nothing of it. There are more pressing matters. For instance, what will you do now?”

“I must admit I do not know. I truly dread his wrath.”

“But he loves you, my Lady.”

“Oh! You do not know him the way I do, my friend; I fear him.”

She clutched at her long autumn-red coat, tightening it around herself in a shiver. The old man frowned; had he really just guessed the Lady’s intentions hidden behind her words?

“Are you… demanding to cross, my Lady?” he stuttered.

“I’m afraid I must, old friend.”

“But… it is not the time!”

“I am aware of that, but I am at wit’s end. Mother will know what to do…”

Without another word, she embarked on the small boat.

I'm writing again!!

Inspiration is back!

I was totally desperate the other day, completely sad, utterly disgusted that I could not come up with two lines... I took the bus to my painting class and who should show up on my shuffle playlist in my iPod? Nightwish!! My favorite band of all time!
Dry spell cured! (And from now on, I'll write all the albums off my tax reports as inspirational material! LOL) And which song should show up but the one that had sparked the story for my novel The Lighthouse Keeper!

The song is called The Islander.
I'll let you (re)discover it as you read a brand-new, fresh-out-of-the-oven excerpt of my story. ^_^
Happy reading! :D

(And I'm going back to write some more! ^_^)

The Islander

(T. Holopainen, M. Hietala)

An old man by a seashore at the end of day

Gazes the horizon with sea winds in his face

Tempest-tossed island, seasons all the same

Anchorage unpainted and a ship without a name

Sea without a shore for the banished ones unheard

He lightens a beacon, light at the end of world

Showing the way, lighting hope in their hearts

The ones on their travels onward from afar

(Chorus)

This is for long-forgotten, light at the end of the world
Horizon crying the tears he left behind long ago

The albatross is flying making him daydream

The time before he became one of the world's unseen

Princess in the tower, children in the field

Life's given him all, an island of the universe

Now his love's a memory, a ghost in the fog

He sets his sails one last time, saying farewell to the world

Anchor to the water, seabed far below

Grass still in his feet and a smile beneath his brow

(Chorus)

So long ago (x 2)

This is for long-forgotten, light at the end of the world
Horizon crying the tears he left behind so long ago

----------------------------------------------------------

(Novel excerpt)

PROLOGUE

            The old man squinted, studied the horizon. The icy wind bit his skin under his long coat. He shivered and breathed some warmth into his hands, folding his hood tighter. Unable to fight the cold, the old man grabbed the pole by his side and pushed on it. His boat dragged on the freezing waters in silence. This eternal silence. He had never known anything else.

            A thick fog rose from the river as always. He squinted once more, peering through the darkness and the clouds until a bare shore appeared. Bare? He frowned.

            One more push on the pole brought him closer and any doubt he had vanished: the shore was indeed bare of all presence. This was unprecedented. Something was happening…

            The old man landed and with agility beyond his years jumped off of his little boat. With long paces, he surveyed the white sand beach. Nothing. No one. Not a soul in sight!

            Even the black waters were lacking their usual movements. Whatever was happening, worst was to be expected.

            The old man was walking towards his small boat when a voice arose.

            It was the powerful voice of a chief, a creature trained in leading others. For all the years he had worked for him, the old man could tell when his boss was angry solely by hearing his voice: the calmer the voice, the worst the storm. And right now, the voice almost sang; it was bad.

            The old man kneeled.

            “He has been found,” said the voice.

            “Master?”

            “What were you thinking, old man? What demon possessed you?”

            “I beg for forgiveness, Master. I-I know I deserve whatever punishment comes my way.”

            “Indeed. But you shall wait your turn. I have more pressing matters.”

            The voice turned quiet. Even though the old man expected such a conversation for quite a time now, he was uncertain what to do next. He waited until a shadow appeared on the beach in front of him before moving again. Standing up, he strode back to his boat, followed by the silhouette. The old man stood tall in his boat. However, even if his strong waterman exterior showed no emotion, fear had nested in his heart.

            Was there ever worse punishment than that of a man who did not know when his number would come up?

CHAPTER ONE

            I was told to keep a journal.

            Old Gregory said it would help fight loneliness and seclusion. I guess giving it a try is not any worse than anything else.

            My name is Jonas. And as far as I can remember, I’ve lived on this island. Old Gregory said he found me on an abandoned ship some twelve years ago. He’s practically raised me since we’re the only ones living here.

            Now don’t go asking where exactly is “here” because I don’t have a single idea. The only answer old Gregory has ever served me to the “where are we?” question is “at the end of the world”.

            Some days, I believe him…