Times are a-changing

Well, NaNoWriMo is coming to an end.... and I've got a grand total of less than 2000 words written. A lot happened in my life that kept me from writing but that's okay; I knew going in that I wouldn't make it this year because of everything on my schedule. I won't give up on my novel because of it.

Writing has become difficult.
I feel alone. And I hardly believe in my stories anymore. They all seem so... stupid. So obvious. But I've realized I might have set the bar a bit too high... I was aiming to write novels I was proud of, novels that resembled me. In short, I was trying to write great stuff when in fact, I should have tried to simply.......write.

I'm done searching for excellence. It is quite tiring in a world where so many people have voices now that what some may deem excellent is quickly shot down by others. Excellence has become impossible.
Instead, I will aim for fun... and a deadline.
I will try to write a little every day, no pressure, and have fun while doing it.
If I ever perfect myself over the years, it will be through practice and in an subconscious way. I will no longer try to consciously improve my writing. In fact, I will just go back to basics and do what I wanted to do when I started this career, what it is that made me fall in love with writing: I will tell stories.

Everything else is out the window: the worries, the perfection, the questions, the planning.
I no longer wanna "work" as a writer. I simply wanna entertain, tell stories and have fun.

My head is so full now of advice, of how-to's on absolutely ev-ery-thing!
I mean, daily, I worry/think about:
- Posting on Facebook (1 personal account, 4 different pages that I manage).
- Posting on Instagram (2 accounts).
- Posting on Pinterest.
- Tweeting something on Twitter (2 accounts).
- Checking and replying to emails (on 5 different email addresses)
- Writing (which includes planning the story then thinking it's stupid, worrying about if I'm gonna make it, if ppl will like my stories, etc.)
- Going indie (which includes reading the how-to's of people gone down that road, learning how to format an e-book, learning the steps to indie publishing, the "rules" and how-to's to Smashwords and Createspace, glancing at the IRS forms I'm gonna have to fill for a tax exemption, thinking about or searching for potential book covers I have to choose or make or pay for, etc.)
- Writing interesting blog posts (which I think I still fail at) and giving them proper titles to increase traffic according to this Blog Tyrant guy...
- Checking the stats for both my blogs and both of my websites through Google Analytics and trying to improve them.

And these are just career stuff! I have personal stuff added to that list too!!!
Yes, I can hear you: everyone does as much as me these days if not more! But the difference is I can't handle it anymore...
I'm gonna have to simplify. I need to simplify because I spend more time managing all this than I do creating! It's bad and it's urgent.

So I'm telling you, starting next year, things will be different.
I will simplify and I will have fun.
Life is too short to not have fun.
In the wise words of Smash Mouth: "Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb."
So have fun! :)

NaNo day 2

It's officially the second day of NaNo but for me, it is NaNo day........0.

I haven't written a single word in weeks! Firstly, it was because my boyfriend had brought my laptop with him on his trip back to the Netherlands, but still, I haven't written anything since he came back either!

It's not a dry spell. Not exactly, anyway. I could write, I just don't make the time for it for many reasons. I organized a whole Halloween party (buffet and games) for my family a few days ago and now, I've been planning my Disney trip that's coming up pretty quickly! But those are just excuses...
I think I'm not writing because I don't think my story is any good, or that I have the talent to write good stories...
Yup.
Back to crippling self-doubt. Does it ever go away?

I watched the latest movie adaptation of Pride & Prejudice a few days back. Shame on me, I have never read that story (nor even known what it was about!) But when I found out it was taking place in the 19th century (same era as the one I've set my NaNo story in), I thought it might be worth checking out. As a result, I found myself doubting again. I don't have the skills and I certainly don't have the English level required to write that kind of novel! The way they talked, the manners, etiquette and all that... It would take me YEARS to research all of it and quite frankly, I hate to research because instead of helping me, it only makes me feel like I'm being crushed by my own ignorance.
My boyfriend said nobody would care about all those details (historical stuff and language) because my main readership has nothing to do with those enjoying novels the like of Pride & Prejudice. I try to convince myself that maybe he's right...
Is he?
Well, still it all comes down to this: no matter the amount of polishing I would put into a novel, there will always be people to point out flaws and mock it or worse! So it's basically just a question of getting over oneself......... and one's paralyzing fear to disappoint somebody.
I've got to be able to do it.

But for now, that'll be all: it's bed time. I'm getting sleepy and my thoughts are bouncing all over the place; I cannot seem to get any kind of order out of them so I'll stop rambling and get some sleep.
And as they say "Tomorrow is another day." One I will hopefully be able to put to good use, career-wise...
I'll let you know how it turns out. :)
Nighty night!

P.S.: My mother is fine. :) The problem was not her heart in the end, it's her stress level. She's been granted a leave of absence until the end of November. We'll see then! Thank you all for caring! ^_^ xx