NaNo day 2

It's officially the second day of NaNo but for me, it is NaNo day........0.

I haven't written a single word in weeks! Firstly, it was because my boyfriend had brought my laptop with him on his trip back to the Netherlands, but still, I haven't written anything since he came back either!

It's not a dry spell. Not exactly, anyway. I could write, I just don't make the time for it for many reasons. I organized a whole Halloween party (buffet and games) for my family a few days ago and now, I've been planning my Disney trip that's coming up pretty quickly! But those are just excuses...
I think I'm not writing because I don't think my story is any good, or that I have the talent to write good stories...
Yup.
Back to crippling self-doubt. Does it ever go away?

I watched the latest movie adaptation of Pride & Prejudice a few days back. Shame on me, I have never read that story (nor even known what it was about!) But when I found out it was taking place in the 19th century (same era as the one I've set my NaNo story in), I thought it might be worth checking out. As a result, I found myself doubting again. I don't have the skills and I certainly don't have the English level required to write that kind of novel! The way they talked, the manners, etiquette and all that... It would take me YEARS to research all of it and quite frankly, I hate to research because instead of helping me, it only makes me feel like I'm being crushed by my own ignorance.
My boyfriend said nobody would care about all those details (historical stuff and language) because my main readership has nothing to do with those enjoying novels the like of Pride & Prejudice. I try to convince myself that maybe he's right...
Is he?
Well, still it all comes down to this: no matter the amount of polishing I would put into a novel, there will always be people to point out flaws and mock it or worse! So it's basically just a question of getting over oneself......... and one's paralyzing fear to disappoint somebody.
I've got to be able to do it.

But for now, that'll be all: it's bed time. I'm getting sleepy and my thoughts are bouncing all over the place; I cannot seem to get any kind of order out of them so I'll stop rambling and get some sleep.
And as they say "Tomorrow is another day." One I will hopefully be able to put to good use, career-wise...
I'll let you know how it turns out. :)
Nighty night!

P.S.: My mother is fine. :) The problem was not her heart in the end, it's her stress level. She's been granted a leave of absence until the end of November. We'll see then! Thank you all for caring! ^_^ xx