Last weekend, a situation arose in my home where I ended up blurting that sentence out. "I don't like to write!" ... I don't think I have to mention just how shaken I was to hear myself say that... If I didn't like to write, what was I doing writing?! If I didn't like to write, why did I make it my career?
Three days have come and gone since I've said that. Three whole days of questioning, wondering, pondering, worrying... basically, three days of going crazy. Was I on the wrong path? Should I rethink my whole career? Was it too late to change job? What the heck was I going to do if I didn't even like what I had worked on for over twelve years of my life?! What did I even like?!?!
Still, I kept on going, pushing through, gritting my teeth and doing what needed to be done but I didn't really have the heart for it anymore. I didn't care, couldn't find anything good to say and judged very harshly anything I had written up till now. To put it plainly, I was going to shelve Terra Fae! And maybe even all the other novels I was working on! Why bother if I didn't even like it, right?
That's where my friend Eve chimed in.
I had been keeping it all in for days and putting on a brave face but for some reason, it all just came pouring out right there and then! If it hadn't been one of my friends talking to me, I probably would have told anyone I came across! :P (Poor Eve: she said she had a little 15 mins break and we could chat it up a bit and then I ended up stealing her for like an hour! LOL) Anyway, we talked a lot and at the end of it, I realized that I don't hate writing per se. What I hate is only a part of writing!
Here's my little math of the day (they're not real numbers or anything. Don't quote me on it! Cause it's really just me, looking for comfort). Here's what I realized today:
Here's my little math of the day (they're not real numbers or anything. Don't quote me on it! Cause it's really just me, looking for comfort). Here's what I realized today:
For me, writing
=
5% outlining/plotting
5% character creating
10% world-building
25% first draft writing
40% rewriting/editing
15% proofreading
So, when you look at it, I only hate 40% of the job! Some people have it a lot worse than that, right?!
Yes, now you know: I really do hate rewriting and editing. Makes me "head-desk" very often and that's when I feel like a total fool trying to get my novels published because "let's face it, I write shit!" But like Eve said: "That's good! You can see the flaws in your novel. Doesn't that mean you're getting better?" I guess I am. :)
I've then tried hard to find reasons and ways to keep going. The idea of mixing editing a "done" novel while writing a "new" one seems to work quite well, actually. And I've also got my other friend Rachel who told me I was the first writer she knew that could "write something good right from the first draft!" That's gotta mean I'm not that bad at it, uh? ^_^
So, if like me you think that you hate writing, maybe you just need some distance. Maybe you have to focus on the positive side. Maybe you need to stop and realize it's just a part of it you don't like...
Maybe you should do your own math, now. :)
Hey girlie, I think a lot of your comments are the same feelings shared by many writers. Just looking through forums on NaNoWriMo and videos on YouTube, many people stop writing when it comes to the second half of a novel - ya know, actually finishing it.
ReplyDeleteIt IS work. It will always be work. It will rarely be fun and easy, taking on the job of a surgeon and looking at the nitty-gritty organs of the Frankenstein story you created. The difference between a writer and a published author is that one of them simply finished the book.
The difference between a published author and a best-seller is usually the amount of work they put into editing - polishing that gem until it shines out beyond the rest of the books.
But I think it's unhealthy if you believe that YOU are the only writer that hates rewriting and editing. It's certainly nothing to change your entire career over. You are far from alone - you stand along all the other authors that face the exact same challenge.
No matter what math you come up with, you love telling stories. You might *dislike* all the mumbo-jumbo it takes to turn it into a product and sell to readers. But you are definitely not the first, nor the last.
So keep trying NEW ways of writing, try whatever works. Switch between novels, write some poetry, take some weeks off to simply read and catch up on the markets you like. There is no "one way" to be a writer and there is no magical formula.
You only fail if you stop trying :)
(sorry to post so much, but I needed to give you a jump start! That's what friends are for, right?)
Thanks so much for your comment! ^_^
DeleteI know I'm not alone, I know a lot of writers hate editing and such.... but somehow, it get easy to forget and sink lower and lower into the mood when you're stuck in that maelstrom. But I've been paddling out of it and I suspect the flame will return soon! ^_^
I've realized today that I'm just simply exhausted. Winter always kills my energy and my mood (I so wish I could move south forever! LOL) but spring will be back in a few weeks and energy will flow back into me. Until then, I'll just grit my teeth and bare with it, putting in as many writing/editing/working hours I can put it and taking breaks whenever it is needed. Like you said, the key is to allow ourselves some low days :)
I had one today. We'll see what tomorrow brings! ^_^
Thanks so much for holding me up and pushing me forward! :D My friends are the best! ^_^
Oh I'm so sorry you're going through this :( Self-doubt is the worst, especially with something you love so much and have put so much work into. BUT it is definitely normal. Writing is 60% loving it and 40% hating it, at the very least! It's admirable, though, that you've been able to really isolate what it is that bothers you, so hopefully that'll make you feel better about it over all :)
ReplyDeleteDon't give up!! Maybe start something completely different and purely for you to really get back into the groove? Good luck :D xx
Thanks for you comment, Esme :)
DeleteLOL Yeah, you're totally right: 60% loving it, 40% hating it! ^_^
Writers are creatures of the extreme, I guess :P
But yeah, I've started a new novel on the side so I edit TF in parallel of writing a new novel. So far, so good but still... Draining, tho.
Oh well, worse case scenario, I'll finish TF on time for Camp NaNo! ;)