Just give me a reason...

As I mentioned in a previous post, I've recently gone back to work... only to realize that I didn't like my story anymore. I look at my outline and I find it weak, amateur, unbelievable... like a puppet claiming to be a real person although everyone can clearly see the strings! I feel like a fraud... I've got six published novels under my belt. Shouldn't I have learned to hide the strings by now? Shouldn't I have become a somewhat good puppeteer?

No need to panic, this had happened to me before -- in fact, every time I've ever finished writing a novel -- but I really had hoped things would be different this time since this novel is kinda special to me (first one in English, first real "3D characters", first "fun" scenes, etc.). Well, turns out things are not different at all. And now I have to face the fact that this mood drop will always find me.

As I've heard it, many women experience postpartum depression after giving birth (commonly referred to as "baby blues"). Maybe that's what I'm experiencing...? Although what I'm left with now is not my own cute, chubby little baby whom I will love no matter what... No. What I'm left with is my work, the result of my talent and skills, my own reflection in the words written down on white sheets of paper! They spell a cold, harsh truth. And I can't help but think "I can do better" but the fact of the matter is that I'm a lazy person. Veeeeery lazy. (Got a couple hundreds readers waiting and asking about the fourth volume of my first series for almost three years now! That's how lazy I am!) And when I look at the work that needs to be done on that latest novel, I just wanna throw it away and start anew, somehow thinking that anything demanding that amount of work is not worth wasting my time on.

But I'll do it anyway.

Do you know why?

Because I've found reasons to do it. (OK, sounds stupidly obvious when it's said like that but humor me. :P) All I needed was a strong enough reason to do it and pin it somewhere I will always see it so I don't loose sight of why I'm doing it! Wanna know what my reasons are?

1. I'm not good at doing stuff for myself (heck, if I was, I would have lost all that overweight that's been crippling me for years!) but I'm good at doing things for others. And since a few friends have asked to read this novel, I'll do it for them. :)
2. Yes, I'm a quitter. BUT I'm also a stubborn person who's made wishes for this new year. I've promised myself to shake off that quitter label. And I've promised myself to keep all the promises I make to myself this year so when you think about it, I don't really have a choice there! :P
3. And last but not least, to borrow Martin Luther King's famous quote (even though it might sound cheesy to some): "I have a dream." And mine is to have my books cross the border and be published in the United States. To see my books on the shelves of a Barnes & Noble! ^_^

What I mean to say is, if like me, you suffer from the writer's baby blues, don't give up yet! Just give yourself a good reason to do it. :)

As a good friend said to me: "The difference between the writers who make it and those who don't is perseverance." 

So persevere!!